I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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