i think my tv is drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
