i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
