"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
