i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
is that a dick in a sweater?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
