The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
