your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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