we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
