I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're so committed to being not committed
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