There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
