Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
