Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"