im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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