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i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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