for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?