I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK