could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice