Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."