I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?