one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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