the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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