Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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