soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
