there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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