she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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