wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
