You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
