3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
