Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
