Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
