If that was your dad, he is hot
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
