take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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