BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love accidental penises.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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