i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
