i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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