Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
