im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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