you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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