Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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