I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
