Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
