Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
