I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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