I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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