I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
