Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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