the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
