to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
