Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
