Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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