we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
