So drunk its hurt
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
