Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
