Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
