He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You don't make any sense
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