Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
