I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
