I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
