drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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