dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
