When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
