Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
