He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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