Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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