Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
