Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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