I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
