Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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