I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
