Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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