Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
