I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
