did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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